Quick Update: My current stats after one week are 4 times per week, but I’ve just now masturbated twice in a row (I’m extremely horny right now)
A few days ago I was lying in bed. I had an erection, but I didn’t feel the need to orgasm, I felt the need to look at porn and masturbate to that. The drive to look/read/hear/watch stimulating material was overwhelming. I think because of this experience, I have separated those two needs/wants from one another; the need to masturbate to orgasm, and the need to watch porn. I think the next step in my quest for a happy and healthy sex life is to conquer what I suspect is an addiction to porn, firstly by admitting it and meditating on its cause and effects, ie. why I look at it it, why did I start and why do I continue.
So let’s start at the beginning. When I was starting secondary school I remember being on my computer with a mate. We had heard about the things you could find on the internet, but had never looked for them. With some trepidation we typed in words like, ‘sex’, ‘sexy pictures’, we had no idea about what we were searching for and with our limited vocabulary at that point we didn’t find much bar soft-core ‘playboy’ style images.
A little later – and on my own at this point – I started searching for ‘vagina sex’, ‘vagina porn’. I came across the standard hardcore porn sites, but nothing too out of the ordinary when thinking back. There was one particular site that I started to frequent (www.setsofsexygirls.com/) which I’m surprised is still up and running. It’s content is pretty basic, but it had the occasional oddity that I would explore over the years.
The real shift in my pornographic tastes would come as I grew up and really started to delve into the depths of the internet. A friend of mine introduced me to 4chan and /b/, and by that time I was starting to get board of the standard softcore porn I’d been looking at (www.hq69.com and www.badgirlsblog.com where the ones I were using at this point). I noticed a trend in the type of images and pictures that I was looking at. I was looking more and more at bondage and fetish material. Leather, latex, whips, gags, girls in cages, anything and everything that had a kinky side to it. I still started on the softcore sites out of habit, but then I’d soon find myself on DeviantClip or on one of the kink.com sites. I began to explore this side of my personality and now I except my kinkiness and am trying to develop it.
Either way I believe I have discovered myself to be addicted to porn in a way that means that masturbation just doesn’t seem worth it, or seems fruitless unless I’m watching porn that I haven’t seen before. It’s an almost constant quest for new material, which is made easier by the nature of the internet. I can masturbate without porn, but even then I tend to think about porn that I’ve watched recently or imagining myself in those scenarios. Porn is everywhere when I masturbate, even when it’s not on the screen. It’s pervasive and intrusive, and it’s screwing with my sex life. If I can learn to live without porn I think it will greatly help me with my quest to find a health masturbatory equilibrium.
Curtailing Masturbation 