Quite an interesting talk. The notion that the brain is always after “new mates” ran true to me. My pornographic tastes are always fluctuating, and I always find myself search out new porn. The weight of anecdotal evidence that’s now appearing with men speaking out against compulsive and addictive behavior towards porn is overwhelming. There’s even a group of people on The Student Room with the aim not to masturbate for the whole of 2013. I am seriously considering quitting for good.
I’ve been looking at my masturbatory habits for around a year and a half now so I thought it might be time to take a general overview of how I think everything has gone and how I should proceed. For November and December I masturbated to porn 7 times in each month. Previously it had only been a couple of times a month. I was thinking about this last night and wondering whether it was such a bad thing in grand scheme of things. My original reason for wanting to curtail my masturbatory habits was because of my sexual dysfunction of not being able to come to orgasm during sex with girlfriends. My frequent, regular and habitual masturbation had desensitised not only my penis, but also my mind to sexual intercourse.
Through self-reflection and self-discipline I believe I have solved this problem. Since I started analysing my masturbatory patterns and started to cut back and reduce my masturbation to graphic porn I have been able to cum whilst having sex with my sexual partners. From this singular objective I have been successful. I have become a sexually mature man and have shuck off the detrimental patterns of my teenage years. (Please excuse any psycho-babel, I have been watching series after series of Frasier).
I was watching a sex education programme a couple of weeks ago. It was produced in the early 2000s and presented by two female sex therapists (I forget the name of the show). The topic of the programme was masturbation, so I thought it would be worth a watch. One point they made early on was not to think of masturbation as masturbation, but rather as “manual sex”. Whether with a partner or on your own they considered masturbation as sex first and foremost. I’m not completely sure I agree with them, but I thought it was an interesting idea I would share. Also during the programme they did an informal survey of male masturbatory habits. Almost all the men they interviewed masturbated multiple times a day, sometimes upto four or five times. When I started to become concerned I was masturbating at an average rate of 0,8 times a day, which compared with the above statistics appears minimal, and compared with how I’m doing now I almost appear celibate! I have no idea how much the average man in the UK masturbates and usually distrust figures that claim to attest to such knowledge. Either way it seems to me that I have my masturbation under control, and in such a way that it does not affect my sex life; which is the whole reason I started this quest.
My foray into tantric masturbation has been the result of a bit of mission creep on my part, but I think it could be something to look into if you have the time and patience. Being in my third year of University it is difficult to find the free time, peace and quiet (living in a house with three other guys) to meditate and progress. The distinction between orgasm and ejaculation in this (and other) disciplines is a helpful one to learn and get used to if you want to enjoy masturbation or partner sex with some ‘added extras’. Frankly ejaculatory control is an excellent tool to have in the bag if you can master it. Another important thing I’ve learned from this is about kegel/pelvic floor muscles. The regular exercise of the ‘clinching’ muscle (the one you use if you want to stop urinating mid-flow) is often recommended to women who suffer, or are likely to suffer, from incontinence. For men it is also used for the same reason, but a strong kegel muscle can also be used to enhance sex. This is done by using the muscle to regulate orgasms and prevent ejaculation. I won’t go into detail here, but search around and you’ll find plenty of information to do with ejaculatory control and kegel muscles. Despite learning interesting ‘sex tips’, I wouldn’t recommend tantric masturbation for someone who thinks they are suffering from a similar dysfunction as I was. It is tricky and could lead to you becoming obsessed with reaching the goal of multiple orgasms rather than becoming a sexually mature man, as you may have simply shifted your compulsive pornographic masturbation to compulsive tantric masturbation. “HANDLE WITH CARE” would be my disclaimer.
Next I’d like to deal with a few things that castimonia said in a comment on a previous post. Firstly I’d like to say I have really appreciated his insights and comments on this blog, but a couple of differences on our approach to this have surfaced and I think it would be helpful to point them out. In the first paragraph of the comment he talks about remaining “abstinent from ANY sexuality for a period of 30 to 90 days” including sex (of any kind) with a partner. My goal here it not to destroy or eliminate my sexuality, far from it. My aim is to enhance it. I have done masturbatory abstinence periods before, but all I found them useful for is proving to myself that I didn’t need to masturbate regularly or frequently. Admittedly this is good knowledge to have and is worth doing, but I don’t think it is necessary to sacrifice your entire sexual existence. A period of abstinence from masturbation (particularly from pornography) is helpful and I would recommend doing it for a period of around 21 days or a month, but if you are a single man or in the early stages of a relationship allow yourself the ability to have sex. So long as it is not compulsive or obsessive you should be fine.
On the second paragraph I do agree that my mind has been warped by pornography and the sexualised media of our time. Truth be told I have become more attracted to her, but I do think the relationship may have run it’s course. The second point I also agree with if I was searching for a compatible life partner. I have been with and met women who were gorgeous, but with awful temperaments and personalities. If I was after a long term relationship I would put personality over looks, but as it stands now, that’s not what I’m after. I believe I can allow myself a little vanity when it comes to choosing a girlfriend. I’d like to congratulate castimonia for getting married and I hope he has a happy and fulfilling life.
In the third paragraph he mentions sex not just being about orgasms. The reason I do most things is because I enjoy them and it is the same for sex, and dare I say, masturbation. Because I am not in the same kind of relationship as him I feel we have a different approach to the “goal” of sex. To him it’s an affirmation of love and commitment, but to me it’s about the raw pleasure and thrill that sex brings. I don’t mean to say that one is better than the other, simply that we think about it differently, and a young single man shouldn’t miss out on the opportunity to learn about himself that sex with a partner brings. Without sex I would never have considered my masturbatory habits to be compulsive or obsessive and be spurred on to curtail them.
I did masturbate that much or at least I didn’t seem to. I had a lot of 3-4 days gaps between masturbating, which I think is a sign of me becoming less addicted to it.
My total masturbation was 0,33 so 2,33 times a week.
I masturbated to porn on average 1,4 times a week.
So, I masturbated to porn 60% of the time, which is worse than last month, but only by a wee bit.
I’m back at Uni now. My girlfriend is still wanting to wait until she gets onto a pill that doesn’t try to turn her inside out, so we’ve just been playing with each other sans-sex. I’ve been counting our encounters (oral sex, handjobs, etc) as masturbation without porn because it’s sexual stimulation without extreme graphical images of extremely attractive women, even though I’m being stimulated by another person. I could count it as sex, because frankly they’re the same reasons I don’t count normal sex as masturbation. So perhaps I should count it a sex and not masturbation without porn.
Either way, I’m not totally happy with the relationship. I’m not massively attracted to her, but the fact is she’s just too nice and I don’t want her to be upset. So that get’s me thinking that it’d be worse to keep her hanging on. I would quite like to be the free, young man about town, hooking up with (or at least trying to) all the pretty young things out there. It’s my last year of Uni, and I just want to enjoy myself. I think for the first time in my life, I’m actually confused.
So I watch doing a little more research on Tantric massage, thinking I’ve been neglecting my non-pornographic masturbation. After that I decided to do some exercise, so after my bench presses, sit ups and crunches I was a bit sweaty, so to the shower it was. I decided to try a little tantric masturbation. I started by lathering up with soap, then lied down in the bath. I massaged my temples, then progressed onto my nipples then started to slowly touch my testis and penis. I took my right hand and started to externally massage my prostate (something I found out about earlier). I found it just above a-hole. I hardly touched my penis as I took it real slow. I ‘floated’ for a while, and came on one very long and slow downward stroke as I was massaging my prostate. I’m not sure whether I came due to my penis or prostate, but one thing I can say is that it made me feel really good! I felt all tingly, more awake, less lethargic and genuinely happier. From my experience of female orgasms, it felt as if that’s what I’d experienced. It really was quite something else!
THE array of women’s birth control developed in the last 50 years reads like a trip through Willy Wonka’s factory. Patches or pills; rings and coils; injected, implanted or inserted, women have more options than ever before to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancy. Which makes the lack of progress on male contraception all the more striking. Men today rely on the same two methods they had in the 1950s, vasectomy and condoms. But vasectomies are drastic, and lads often claim that condoms are fiddly and spoil the mood. The burden of birth control, then, rests squarely on women.
That may at last be about to change. A new drug, called JQ1, has proven to be a foolproof male contraceptive—though the males in question are for now murine, not human. JQ1 began life as an anticancer treatment, but it caught the attention of Martin Matzuk at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston, Texas. Dr Matzuk noticed that the gene it targets is similar to another, called BRDT, which is only active in the testes. By turning other genes on and off, BRDT governs the production of healthy sperm. Mice with their BRDT gene removed are sterile, and a study from 2010 found that European men with mutations in BRDT are more likely to have reduced sperm counts.
When it binds to BRDT, JQ1 accomplishes a similar effect temporarily. As Dr Matzuk and colleagues report in Cell, male mice given a relatively mild doses of JQ1 for six weeks showed an 89% drop in their sperm count, and the sperm they did produce were terrible swimmers. In the final month of testing, those which received a high-enough dose of the drug did not beget offspring, despite the fact that each was provided two receptive females and all displayed normal male desires, while mice not on the drug were fathering two litters a month.
Crucially, these effects were fully reversible. Once taken off the drug, the males reverted to normal sperm counts, sufffered no permanent damage to their reproductive organs, and sired typical numbers of healthy offspring. Mice on higher doses of the drug, or treated for longer, were slower to recover, but they, too, regained their prowess within one to three months.
That is welcome news for drug development. At the moment, research into male contraceptives has focused on testosterone-based drugs. They have drawbacks: higher levels of testosterone might increase the risk of prostate cancer or have knock-on behavioural effects (anabolic steroids, which mimic testosterone in the body, have been linked to “roid rage”). Worse, testosterone’s contraceptive effects are not uniform across populations. It appears to work better among Chinese men, for instance, than Caucasians.
The next step for Dr Matzuk and his team will be to tweak the structure of the drug so that it dovetails even more snugly with BRDT. This ought to minimise the odds of its own undesirable side effects. If all goes to plan, Dr Matzuk thinks, a human version the drug might be available to men within a decade. Womenfolk can’t wait to see him proved right.
I masturbated to porn today and I felt unusually guilty afterwards. It just suddenly came over me (no pun intended) and it was not a good feeling!
So here are my masturbatory numbers for July:
0,48 times a day for total masturbation, so that’s around 3,36 times a week
0,35 times a day for masturbation with porn, so that’s around 2,45 times a week
And masturbation with porn over total masturbation is 73,3%
I didn’t end up masturbating last night as I’ve got pretty severe tooth ache (wisdom teeth coming through) and paracetamol and antibiotics don’t exactly make me feel sexy! Anyway I decided to go to bed early and I set my alarm to go off at 8am. It goes off, I reset it for 10am then go back to sleep. During this time I dreamt that one of my ex-girlfriends and I were on the bus. We were feeling each other up and she started to masturbate me. Just as we got to the bus stop, I came. Now if that’s not symbolism I don’t know what is!
So, I just masturbated. I cleaned up and then noticed a familiar pain kind of on/inside the tip of my penis. I did a quick search of google and found this very informative forum post: http://www.healthboards.com/boards/sexual-health-men/527842-periodic-tip-shaft-penis-pain-after-ejaculation-non-std-problem-no-solution.html
I’ve had a problem for the past three to four years, where pain occurs directly after ejaculation in the shaft and tip of penis, but the pain is periodic – say maybe once in one week, maybe six times in the next month, and not at all in the month after.
The pain, which i think could be better described as an extreme discomfort, lasts maybe 5-30mins or more post-ejaculation. Urinating during this period seems to relieve the discomfort but only for a very short period and is more or less often forced urination. The pain will always disappear within an hour or so.
I am certain this is not an STD, as i have stumbled across another medical forum thread where many other males are suffering from exactly the same problem, and most seem to have had testing for STD’s and a couple had other extensive testing for sexual organ problems and came back 100%; healthy. Some of these guys have had the problem for anywhere between 1-20+ years with age groups of 40 years plus down to early teens (before even engaging in sexual relations with partners), and all in between. The common theme seems to be, no one has a real solution to the problem. This is why i am starting this thread, to gather the thoughts and ideas of other males and what their thoughts, methods of relief and solutions are, as long as people actually find this post.
Also the thread i found has since been closed and cost money to start a new thread, so i came here. For reference, the thread can be found on the following link:
[deleted]
Just to finish off i’ll summarize the information i have gathered so far from the other males that posted in the thread from the above link.
NONE of the following is medical advice, the following is provided by individuals and reflects ONLY their personal opinions on the given subject.
Solutions to reduce pain suggested on that thread so far were,
* forcing urination
* soak your genitals in a warm bath during pain period
* hold ice in the area of discomfort while in pain period
* take an anti inflammatory (ib profen, acetaminophen, etc) during pain period
* urinate before sexual intercourse, masturbation
* avoid alcohol before intercourse, masturbation
* avoid substances that cause dehydration i.e. coffee
* avoid high in sugar foods/liquids
* use positive thinking/distractions(tv, music etc..) mental strategies to
reduce awareness of discomfort
* possible cause of discomfort is due to damage to sexual organ nerves?
* Drink lots of water during pain periodI think that should be it, well, now it’s up to everyone else to post your thoughts, or even better – medical advice if your experienced in that area.
Curtailing Masturbation 