50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex

FYI: This is not mine. I found it on Fetlife and thought I’d share it (source: https://fetlife.com/users/1001349/posts/931729)

**The Politics of Fucking

aka
50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex.**

*1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits you. Contrary to popular belief, men can’t just flip a switch and get it up because you decided to stop being a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest you figure it out.

*2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet romantic thing all the time. Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the situation.

*3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don’t, it’s your own fault when he’s snoozing and you’re all wound up.

*4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and bond and all that shit. It makes men pass out. It’s a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop holding it over his head, it’s not his fault.

*5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms. That shit is uncomfortable after awhile. A little snuggling isn’t unreasonable, but when it’s time to actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

*6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and romance. Sometimes, that’s nice. Sometimes. But expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the time. If you’re not willing to do that, don’t expect him to switch for you.

*7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the shit that Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about us. Get over it.

*8. Using Cosmo as a sex bible. I dont know who comes up with half that shit, but I’m pretty sure they need counseling.

*9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he’s pushing, skippy? Because you aren’t doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he’s given you. Pay attention to the signals that he’s sending you.

*10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to do nothing.

*11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount of grace. He’s about to get some pussy. Be glad he bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

*12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.

*13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don’t want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can’t shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.

*14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That’s as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.

*15. Withholding oral sex just because you’re ragging. He didn’t do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he’s hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.

*16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually heard what you sound like while you’re having sex? If you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67% of women would respond with answers like “I stubbed my toe” “I ran up the steps” or “I was putting up drywall”.

*17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you’re sexually active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men keep them on them, and it’s just as much your responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes you a slut, you shouldn’t be having sex anyway. Go back to Jr High.

*18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you with respect all the time, you shouldn’t be offended when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of showing that he cares if you get off. Stop being a sissy.

*19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is fun.

*20. Dissing quickies because it’s not some slow sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but having to have someone so bad that you do it half clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

*21. Being too much of a pussy to tell him what is or isn’t acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and you giggle and say no like it’s an invitation, don’t look surprised when he “accidentally” sticks his cock in your butt.

*22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them off isn’t always easy. Help a brother out.

*23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

*24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men should have to do all the work.

*25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more visual than women. Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch your back a little bit. Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not dead and 2) didn’t suffer a minor stroke rendering you unable to move.

*26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you’re riding him. It’s your body, you’re used to it. Play with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make his job easier.

*27. Being too afraid to guide your partner’s hand when hes touching you. Don’t like the way he’s doing it? Gently take his hand and show him how you like it.

*28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then getting offended when he doesn’t. Its your choice to stop, but don’t look all fucking surprised when he’s confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did you think was going to happen?

*29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a feminist. Big fucking deal. Letting him call the shots doesn’t make you any less of one.

*30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on top. It’s not his responsibility to start things all the time.

*31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating solely on his penis.

*32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there. Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a relationship with them, just don’t ignore them.

*33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then bolts because she doesn’t want to deal with the mess.

*34. Launching into some speech about not being an object for sex when he tries to titty fuck you. Jesus Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself. You get a great view.

*35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll. I’d hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re not going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later and giggle at the memory.

*36. Refusing to try things in the name of “making love”. You’re not making anything. You are naked. With another person. Making strange faces and weird noises. Stop romanticizing it.

*37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny. Actually it’s hilarious. Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture, accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat. It’s how you deal with it that really matters.

*38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some. Its the American dream. (I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5 minutes, not so much. Know the difference).

*39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god awful cotton mouth. Really. Grab a bottle of water.

*40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your partners back. Its another when you snag the goods with a claw.

*41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You’re having sex. That will happen. Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it tightens the pores.

*42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his name. Something so he knows he’s the best you’ve had, even if he isn’t.

*43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don’t. By faking (IF he believes you) he thinks he’s doing everything right. And if he doesn’t know its not working, he’s not going to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

*44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If you haven’t showered that day, and things smell a little…fishy…perhaps demanding oral sex is a little ridiculous of you.

*45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his body that he has not specifically approved before hand. I don’t care what Cosmo says, some things are simply not pleasant surprises.

*46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They’ll wash.

*47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex. Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the time to remove it, you can do that later. And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its cracked up to be.

*48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you can get the other ones in the washer and then sanitizing everything your naked body might have possibly passed by is not the way to do it.

*49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It happens, he’s probably mortified and you are NOT helping. Refrain from using phrases like “it happens to every guy”. Just move to other activities until it gets hard again, and if it doesn’t, get off another way with him. He’s still capable of getting you off. Mumbling “Forget it” and rolling over are not ok.

*50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman equivalent of “was it good for you?”. Now is not a good time to ask “What this means”. Right now, it means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a nap, perhaps not in that order.

That is all.

Tantric Masturbation to Help Stop Watching Porn?

Ok so I was getting pretty horny tonight and considering I’m back at my parent’s for a couple weeks I can’t exactly drop trou whenever I want and masturbate at my PC. Throughout the night I was searching Craigslist looking for casual encounters and the like. I kind of like the idea of talking to randomers about sex. After my parents went to bed I flicked through a couple of kinky sites (fetlife.com, informedconsent.co.uk) and was getting a little hot under the collar. I started searching for some different ways to masturbate to make my session more enjoyable, and I stumbled across a couple of tantric masturbation sites:

http://www.mademan.com/mm/5-tantric-masturbation-tips.html

http://www.holisticwisdom.com/male-multiple-orgasms.htm

All I want to say is take head. I have to be honest my original assumptions on tantric sex and all that was that it was all bollocks and nonsensical voodoo. I still mostly think that it is, but take away the unpronounceable Indian words and it does make sense.

I started by getting completely naked and switched my heater on so I didn’t get too cold. I put the tissues beside my bed with my lube. I started by simply lying on my back on my bed, and felt my self all over (and I can’t stress this enough, don’t focus on your penis, show the rest of you a bit of love first). Build yourself up. I found myself almost climax when I was touching the side of my stomach!

After a bit I started stroking my prostate and eventually got a sharpie on the case, and simply held it in there with my covers so I could use both my hands. I tried to concentrate on the twitches and shakes in my legs. I used the ‘blowjob’ technique (here: http://www.holisticwisdom.com/male-masturbation-techniques.htm) which is a very nice technique I hadn’t encountered before. I stroked slowly and kept my breaths long and deep to prolong the sensation. My breathing was loud and seemingly uncontrollable (as if I was actually having good sex) and I had what was probably the most powerful orgasm I’d had since my first, which must have been almost 10 years ago!

It felt as if I was doing what I’ve seen women do in porn videos and what my sexual partners have told me they do, i.e. start of really slowly and enjoy the moment. Perhaps that’s something we guys ought to do more often rather than simply thinking about ejaculating in a reasonable time. There’s so much more to it! When I watch porn I sometime don’t even notice I’ve actually came and my hand is full of ejaculate. I’m concentrating on the screen and on moving my hand as fast as possible, without regard for what I’m actually feeling. During sex, random thought will get stuck in my head. Once I had Col. O’Neill off of Stargate SG-1 in there for the duration, even the kinkiest thoughts I had couldn’t shake him (that’ll teach me to watch so much SG-1 in future!). Anyways, once I get these thoughts stuck in my heads I have to think about something sexy and keep concentrating on that. If my concentration goes, i.e. if I think the condom’s broke, or she says something, I lose – I suppose – the energy (I can’t think of a better word) and have to start again and build myself up again. This is what takes effort and time, and can get extremely frustrating. If I can get the hang of taking it slow and being able to concentrate on myself and my partner then perhaps I’ll be closer to my ultimate goal, which I shall now remind myself, a happy and healthy sex life!

An Addiction to Porn?

Quick Update: My current stats after one week are 4 times per week, but I’ve just now masturbated twice in a row (I’m extremely horny right now)

A few days ago I was lying in bed. I had an erection, but I didn’t feel the need to orgasm, I felt the need to look at porn and masturbate to that. The drive to look/read/hear/watch stimulating material was overwhelming. I think because of this experience, I have separated those two needs/wants from one another; the need to masturbate to orgasm, and the need to watch porn. I think the next step in my quest for a happy and healthy sex life is to conquer what I suspect is an addiction to porn, firstly by admitting it and meditating on its cause and effects, ie. why I look at it it, why did I start and why do I continue.

So let’s start at the beginning. When I was starting secondary school I remember being on my computer with a mate. We had heard about the things you could find on the internet, but had never looked for them. With some trepidation we typed in words like, ‘sex’, ‘sexy pictures’, we had no idea about what we were searching for and with our limited vocabulary at that point we didn’t find much bar soft-core ‘playboy’ style images.

A little later – and on my own at this point – I started searching for ‘vagina sex’, ‘vagina porn’. I came across the standard hardcore porn sites, but nothing too out of the ordinary when thinking back. There was one particular site that I started to frequent (www.setsofsexygirls.com/) which I’m surprised is still up and running. It’s content is pretty basic, but it had the occasional oddity that I would explore over the years.

The real shift in my pornographic tastes would come as I grew up and really started to delve into the depths of the internet. A friend of mine introduced me to 4chan and /b/, and by that time I was starting to get board of the standard softcore porn I’d been looking at (www.hq69.com and www.badgirlsblog.com where the ones I were using at this point). I noticed a trend in the type of images and pictures that I was looking at. I was looking more and more at bondage and fetish material. Leather, latex, whips, gags, girls in cages, anything and everything that had a kinky side to it. I still started on the softcore sites out of habit, but then I’d soon find myself on DeviantClip or on one of the kink.com sites. I began to explore this side of my personality and now I except my kinkiness and am trying to develop it.

Either way I believe I have discovered myself to be addicted to porn in a way that means that masturbation just doesn’t seem worth it, or seems fruitless unless I’m watching porn that I haven’t seen before. It’s an almost constant quest for new material, which is made easier by the nature of the internet. I can masturbate without porn, but even then I tend to think about porn that I’ve watched recently or imagining myself in those scenarios. Porn is everywhere when I masturbate, even when it’s not on the screen. It’s pervasive and intrusive, and it’s screwing with my sex life. If I can learn to live without porn I think it will greatly help me with my quest to find a health masturbatory equilibrium.

Stopping Myself

I was ‘innocently’ looking at Fetlife, when I found myself stroking myself. I wanted to, and didn’t want to at the same time. That is a strange feeling. I new that I wanted to save myself for tomorrow evening with my girlfriend, but the urge was so strong. I just about managed to stop myself and I quickly put on an episode of Mad Men to calm me down. It seams to have done the trick.

Coming to the close of day one (Excuse the pun)

It’s about 3 O’clock in the morning, and I’m extreamly horny. I haven’t been sleeping well for the past few days so I’m wide awake and all I can think about is fucking my girlfriend. I keep telling myself to wait untill the 2nd of January when I see her again, but that just seams to elongate the amount of time it is.

I know tomorrow will be the hardest. I’m going shopping with my parents in the day and I’ll try and stay downstairs with them in the evening, rather than upstairs on my PC looking at FetLife.