Back to Square One

It’s been about 6 months since my last post and I have to admit I have fallen back into my ancien regime. I have finished University and am now back home. During exams season I started to masturbate more, but generally only to music videos and soft material. My tastes became more extreme as the season went on and I started to masturbate even more until I was back to my post-renaissance self. It is therefore my intention to get back to a stage where I am not driven by a desire to look at porn, especially the very extreme and graphic kind. To do this I will not look at porn of any kind from this moment on. I will also aim for refraining from masturbation for one month (excluding sex) as I found the 21 day challenge I did almost a year and a half ago very useful. So there we have it, I knew changing the root of my behaviour would be difficult and take time, but I didn’t know quite how difficult and quite how long it would take. Hopefully this time I can use my previous experience to my advantage.

TEDx talk on Porn by Gary Wilson

 

Quite an interesting talk. The notion that the brain is always after “new mates” ran true to me. My pornographic tastes are always fluctuating, and I always find myself search out new porn. The weight of anecdotal evidence that’s now appearing with men speaking out against compulsive and addictive behavior towards porn is overwhelming. There’s even a group of people on The Student Room with the aim not to masturbate for the whole of 2013. I am seriously considering quitting for good.

Handjobs and Blowjobs

In some previous posts I had questioned whether I should classify handjobs and blowjobs as masturbation. I decided today that on my new calendar for this year I should denote them differently to get a more accurate picture of my sexual experiences. So, henceforth either a job of any kind shall be denoted as ‘J’. My thoughts were drawn to this because of a wonderful session I had last night with my girlfriend. My house is currently empty as the rest of my housemates have yet to arrive. This meant that I could moan and gasp and say her name as much (and as loudly) as I wanted. It did take her a while to get me there (more because this was the second time that night than anything else), but when I came it was VERY intense! The sad thing is that it’ll be difficult for us to be in that same situation for some time.

I also got to thinking about the differences between men and women over verbal noise during sex. I’ve known women who are very shy about making too much noise, but generally it seems more acceptable for a woman to gasp and moan loudly. Perhaps this is something to do with the perception of women as the ‘weaker sex’, not being able to keep a lid on their sexuality? Or perhaps it’s a case that their orgasms are just more intense and therefore uninhibit them enough to be loud? Personally I believe it is more something to do with social-conditioning than physical intensity. If you moan and scream to your heart’s content, forget the world and the people living next door, you will more likely experience a more fulfilling orgasm. IMHO.

Thoughts and Reflections

I’ve been looking at my masturbatory habits for around a year and a half now so I thought it might be time to take a general overview of how I think everything has gone and how I should proceed. For November and December I masturbated to porn 7 times in each month. Previously it had only been a couple of times a month. I was thinking about this last night and wondering whether it was such a bad thing in grand scheme of things. My original reason for wanting to curtail my masturbatory habits was because of my sexual dysfunction of not being able to come to orgasm during sex with girlfriends. My frequent, regular and habitual masturbation had desensitised not only my penis, but also my mind to sexual intercourse.

Through self-reflection and self-discipline I believe I have solved this problem. Since I started analysing my masturbatory patterns and started to cut back and reduce my masturbation to graphic porn I have been able to cum whilst having sex with my sexual partners. From this singular objective I have been successful. I have become a sexually mature man and have shuck off the detrimental patterns of my teenage years. (Please excuse any psycho-babel, I have been watching series after series of Frasier).

I was watching a sex education programme a couple of weeks ago. It was produced in the early 2000s and presented by two female sex therapists (I forget the name of the show). The topic of the programme was masturbation, so I thought it would be worth a watch. One point they made early on was not to think of masturbation as masturbation, but rather as “manual sex”. Whether with a partner or on your own they considered masturbation as sex first and foremost. I’m not completely sure I agree with them, but I thought it was an interesting idea I would share. Also during the programme they did an informal survey of male masturbatory habits. Almost all the men they interviewed masturbated multiple times a day, sometimes upto four or five times. When I started to become concerned I was masturbating at an average rate of 0,8 times a day, which compared with the above statistics appears minimal, and compared with how I’m doing now I almost appear celibate! I have no idea how much the average man in the UK masturbates and usually distrust figures that claim to attest to such knowledge. Either way it seems to me that I have my masturbation under control, and in such a way that it does not affect my sex life; which is the whole reason I started this quest.

My foray into tantric masturbation has been the result of a bit of mission creep on my part, but I think it could be something to look into if you have the time and patience. Being in my third year of University it is difficult to find the free time, peace and quiet (living in a house with three other guys) to meditate and progress. The distinction between orgasm and ejaculation in this (and other) disciplines is a helpful one to learn and get used to if you want to enjoy masturbation or partner sex with some ‘added extras’. Frankly ejaculatory control is an excellent tool to have in the bag if you can master it. Another important thing I’ve learned from this is about kegel/pelvic floor muscles. The regular exercise of the ‘clinching’ muscle (the one you use if you want to stop urinating mid-flow) is often recommended to women who suffer, or are likely to suffer, from incontinence. For men it is also used for the same reason, but a strong kegel muscle can also be used to enhance sex. This is done by using the muscle to regulate orgasms and prevent ejaculation. I won’t go into detail here, but search around and you’ll find plenty of information to do with ejaculatory control and kegel muscles. Despite learning interesting ‘sex tips’, I wouldn’t recommend tantric masturbation for someone who thinks they are suffering from a similar dysfunction as I was. It is tricky and could lead to you becoming obsessed with reaching the goal of multiple orgasms rather than becoming a sexually mature man, as you may have simply shifted your compulsive pornographic masturbation to compulsive tantric masturbation. “HANDLE WITH CARE” would be my disclaimer.

Next I’d like to deal with a few things that castimonia said in a comment on a previous post. Firstly I’d like to say I have really appreciated his insights and comments on this blog, but a couple of differences on our approach to this have surfaced and I think it would be helpful to point them out. In the first paragraph of the comment he talks about remaining “abstinent from ANY sexuality for a period of 30 to 90 days” including sex (of any kind) with a partner. My goal here it not to destroy or eliminate my sexuality, far from it. My aim is to enhance it. I have done masturbatory abstinence periods before, but all I found them useful for is proving to myself that I didn’t need to masturbate regularly or frequently. Admittedly this is good knowledge to have and is worth doing, but I don’t think it is necessary to sacrifice your entire sexual existence. A period of abstinence from masturbation (particularly from pornography) is helpful and I would recommend doing it for a period of around 21 days or a month, but if you are a single man or in the early stages of a relationship allow yourself the ability to have sex. So long as it is not compulsive or obsessive you should be fine.

On the second paragraph I do agree that my mind has been warped by pornography and the sexualised media of our time. Truth be told I have become more attracted to her, but I do think the relationship may have run it’s course. The second point I also agree with if I was searching for a compatible life partner. I have been with and met women who were gorgeous, but with awful temperaments and personalities. If I was after a long term relationship I would put personality over looks, but as it stands now, that’s not what I’m after. I believe I can allow myself a little vanity when it comes to choosing a girlfriend. I’d like to congratulate castimonia for getting married and I hope he has a happy and fulfilling life.

In the third paragraph he mentions sex not just being about orgasms. The reason I do most things is because I enjoy them and it is the same for sex, and dare I say, masturbation. Because I am not in the same kind of relationship as him I feel we have a different approach to the “goal” of sex. To him it’s an affirmation of love and commitment, but to me it’s about the raw pleasure and thrill that sex brings. I don’t mean to say that one is better than the other, simply that we think about it differently, and a young single man shouldn’t miss out on the opportunity to learn about himself that sex with a partner brings. Without sex I would never have considered my masturbatory habits to be compulsive or obsessive and be spurred on to curtail them.

Numbers for August

So, my total Masturbation was at 0,51 so that’s 3,57 times a week.

My total Masturbation with Porn is 0,29 which was 56,25% of all masturbation

My masturbation with porn is down just about 20% which is really good 🙂

Awesome Orgasm

So I watch doing a little more research on Tantric massage, thinking I’ve been neglecting my non-pornographic masturbation. After that I decided to do some exercise, so after my bench presses, sit ups and crunches I was a bit sweaty, so to the shower it was. I decided to try a little tantric masturbation. I started by lathering up with soap, then lied down in the bath. I massaged my temples, then progressed onto my nipples then started to slowly touch my testis and penis. I took my right hand and started to externally massage my prostate (something I found out about earlier). I found it just above a-hole. I hardly touched my penis as I took it real slow. I ‘floated’ for a while, and came on one very long and slow downward stroke as I was massaging my prostate. I’m not sure whether I came due to my penis or prostate, but one thing I can say is that it made me feel really good! I felt all tingly, more awake, less lethargic and genuinely happier. From my experience of female orgasms, it felt as if that’s what I’d experienced. It really was quite something else!

Not Masturbated for 5 Days Straight … Some Weird Feelings

Starting on Saturday and through til last night I hadn’t masturbated for 5 days straight. Not through some conscious effort, but I just really didn’t feel like I wanted to. I mainly think it was because I spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday out with friends so by the time I had any alone time I was drunk and tired, and masturbating seamed almost like a chore. On Wednesday I felt the urge to look at porn quite strongly, but managed to resist it. By Thursday I was in a really strange mood, I just felt out of it for the whole day. By the evening time the feeling to look at porn wasn’t there, it was only the feeling to masturbate and enjoy myself. And so I did – admittedly to porn – masturbate, but I still feel pretty non compos mentis today.

Guilt

I masturbated to porn today and I felt unusually guilty afterwards. It just suddenly came over me (no pun intended) and it was not a good feeling!

Periodic Pain At The Tip Of My Penis After Masturbation

So, I just masturbated. I cleaned up and then noticed a familiar pain kind of on/inside the tip of my penis. I did a quick search of google and found this very informative forum post: http://www.healthboards.com/boards/sexual-health-men/527842-periodic-tip-shaft-penis-pain-after-ejaculation-non-std-problem-no-solution.html

 

I’ve had a problem for the past three to four years, where pain occurs directly after ejaculation in the shaft and tip of penis, but the pain is periodic – say maybe once in one week, maybe six times in the next month, and not at all in the month after.

The pain, which i think could be better described as an extreme discomfort, lasts maybe 5-30mins or more post-ejaculation. Urinating during this period seems to relieve the discomfort but only for a very short period and is more or less often forced urination. The pain will always disappear within an hour or so.

I am certain this is not an STD, as i have stumbled across another medical forum thread where many other males are suffering from exactly the same problem, and most seem to have had testing for STD’s and a couple had other extensive testing for sexual organ problems and came back 100%; healthy. Some of these guys have had the problem for anywhere between 1-20+ years with age groups of 40 years plus down to early teens (before even engaging in sexual relations with partners), and all in between. The common theme seems to be, no one has a real solution to the problem. This is why i am starting this thread, to gather the thoughts and ideas of other males and what their thoughts, methods of relief and solutions are, as long as people actually find this post.

Also the thread i found has since been closed and cost money to start a new thread, so i came here. For reference, the thread can be found on the following link:

[deleted]

Just to finish off i’ll summarize the information i have gathered so far from the other males that posted in the thread from the above link.

NONE of the following is medical advice, the following is provided by individuals and reflects ONLY their personal opinions on the given subject.
Solutions to reduce pain suggested on that thread so far were,
* forcing urination
* soak your genitals in a warm bath during pain period
* hold ice in the area of discomfort while in pain period
* take an anti inflammatory (ib profen, acetaminophen, etc) during pain period
* urinate before sexual intercourse, masturbation
* avoid alcohol before intercourse, masturbation
* avoid substances that cause dehydration i.e. coffee
* avoid high in sugar foods/liquids
* use positive thinking/distractions(tv, music etc..) mental strategies to
reduce awareness of discomfort
* possible cause of discomfort is due to damage to sexual organ nerves?
* Drink lots of water during pain period

I think that should be it, well, now it’s up to everyone else to post your thoughts, or even better – medical advice if your experienced in that area.

Post-Wednesday Debriefing

So, it turned out that we didn’t have sex, but we still played around for a while. One thing that disturbed me was that as she was masturbating me I was tensing trying to cum and not relaxing and getting into the zone. As a result, the pain that I had originally felt when I lost my virginity came back. It wasn’t as intense a pain as it had been, but it worried me. I think it was more of a psychological thing rather than a physical “I’ve been masturbating too much” thing, as I hadn’t since Saturday. I have my doubts about this girl, and that’s what’s probably making me so tense. She’s a lovely girl with a great bubbly personality and I do like being around her and talking with her, but she is a little overweight and I just can’t shake the feeling that I “could do better”. The last three women I’ve slept with have all been in the top half of the spectrum at least, and from a masculine perspective it feels almost like I’m going backwards. I think I’ll just wait until we’re both back at Uni and take it from there, as we’ll only be seeing each other maybe once in the next two months.